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5 games that will prepare you for St. Valentine’s day

That time of the year is almost upon us. The most dreaded, reddish-pink night where hordes of zombies swarm the streets with eyes devoid of thought, roses in one hand and a plush teddy bear in the other, talking about love and other nonsense. You can only look and laugh upon those fools, HAHAHA… ummm … whea… Maaaybe you are kinda jealous too, you do not have anyone to celebrate with. Which sucks, and life is unfair, and why does this always happens to me? I mean you…


So, to cheer everyone up, I would suggest 5 games that will make you feel much better on Valentine’s day, cross my heart. Well, let’s begin, in no specific order(maybe):

5. No Man’s Sky

In this game you are put in the boots of an astronaut, stranded in an unknown universe. You repair your ship and then start exploring the stars.

Playing the game can provide almost meditation-like experience. While mindlessly pumping your left mouse button in order to gather tons or resources, you will inevitably start thinking how meaningless everything is. Collect enough stuff, then jump to the next planet where everything feels kinda same-y, just to do the whole thing over again. Just like your life, an endless grind that gets you nowhere. If you get tired of that, don’t worry, you can blast off to space and feel its immense vastness. Flying for minutes on hyper speed in order to get to your next destination will surely make you think how small and insignificant you are in the cosmic scheme of things. Great stuff!

4. The Sims 4

What a better way to stop thinking of your current life as creating a new, virtual one!

Enter some cheats, build a big house and get the shiny life you can never otherwise have. Create your perfect self and get the girl/guy that you don’t even dare speaking to in the so-called “real life”. What else can be a better fantasy representation of the relationship you can never have than using the same methods over and over again to pick up your dream date and actually seeing it work. No extra effort, no actual stress and anxiety over what to say and do. Man, those damn sims do have it easy! Then you can sit and observe who much the sims are enjoying themselves and how happy they are. Thank the gods for video games!

3. Doki Doki Literature Club!

In this visual novel you join a Literature Club(duh!) full of, GASP!, cute girls. You will have the chance to romance either of them and enjoy the well written lighthearted story. Well, it is lighthearted until things take a creepy and kind of demented turn for the worse. Every bit of good feelings will slowly leave you as you become witness to disturbing images, strange glitches and psychotic characters. Playing the game will make you ask whether you are not loosing your own sanity, doubting even the files the game uses and… WAIT! Did this sound come from the kitchen?

Doki Doki Literature Club! can bring some fond memories of the crazy girlfriend you once dated. Ah, Maria, I do miss your wild stare sometimes!  

2. Bioshock: Infinite

A masterpiece of a game, that tasks you of saving a young girl from the clutches of a tyrannical, overzealous ruler. You will spend countless hours(well about 30 actually) fighting and clawing through this failed utopian city, helping Elizabeth and growing to deeply care for her… only to get to the ending where you will learn that none of it actually matters and there are an infinite number of realities and you suck in all of them as you either end up as a complete fanatic and a nutcase or as a drunkard who has sold his own daughter. And then you die. Then you can play the DLC… and die there, too.

Bioshock: Infinite can easily turn you to determinism and make you question whether everything is not already written and inevitable, just like an unwanted Windows update.

1. Diablo 2 Classic on hardcore

Enjoy a game from another era! Forget about the much improved Lord of Destruction and get back to the roots: Diablo 2 Classic. Feast your eyes upon the amazing 640×480 resolution until they start to hurt. Play endlessly only to get the lamest set items ever. Then continue grinding with the hopes of getting one of the few actually good items in the game. And do not forget, one wrong move and it is all finished.

Painful, stressful, repetitive and not pretty at all. That’s if you ever manage to run the game at all, that is. If that’s not the perfect representation of my… I mean your last relationship, I don’t know what is!

So there you have it, 5 games that will prepare you for St. Valentine’s day! No need to thank me, just doing my job, spreading the festive mood! Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to re-watch the last episode of How I Met Your Mother.